I know! You’re here for me to talk about shoes today! Well let’s get up on it, then.

So it’s hardly breaking news that I’m all crazy for the shoes. I scour the interwebs for ridiculous amounts of time in search of deals, images, nostalgic waxings and general opinions of typically snootier and/or funkier brands ‘n’ styles. So in honor of myself, basically, I’m going to start talk, talk, talking about some of my own experiences. Which brands are crazy expensive but actually worth it; what I’m currently stalking for real v. for pretend; whether or not you can wear four-inch sandals with tights in the winter; brand generalizations based on my having actually tried out more than one style; that sort of thing. I do write reviews of shoes I own on places like shoes-dot-com, endless/amazon, zappos, et cetera, but sometimes, in reading reviews of shoes that I don’t have and am curious about, I am less than satisfied with what other folks have had to say. It’s like I really just want myself to have written all about it already, so I’m basically just doing that. And instead of blathering on about what “that” is GOING to be, let me start blathering on WITH IT.

Have you ever seen something so perfectly embodying a modern-day Wilma Flintstone? This is a decadent pair of Marsells, an über fancy Italian brand that no doubt appeals to the upper upper crust of trust fund kids that like Fluevogs, but don’t think them expensive enough for their lifestyle. They’re hard to come by and even rarer seen out in the wild, although in that latter respect my co-workers are obliviously lucky. I picked these up at yoox, which is probably the most reliable place I can count on (and recommend) to find a pair. They were very much marked down, although still close to c-note, and while I hadn’t exactly been stalking this pair and I wasn’t sure about that beige-tinted grey color *or* the ankle-ties? I figured I could always return ‘em. Chances to score this kind of fantasmagoria aren’t too common so I went for the gusto. And good gravy, am I ever glad. These pups are stellar: they’re funky, they’re chunky, they’re pretty comfortable as far as fancy shoes go, they’re made within an inch of staying here on the planet and not ascending into Valhalla, and they’re MINE. MMMMMINE! I say they fit pretty true-to-size: a euro 40 is a good 9-9.5 ‘Merican and the width is a pretty good medium. They’re not padded, and my front ball-of-foot takes a bit more pressure than she likes if I wear them out all day, and the heel counter is pretty average (which, actually, is just a hair big for me). These are a great neutral color that doesn’t match my skintone (why I just can’t dig on that taupe-beige-nude phenom) and they’re light without being white (which … no, I just can’t wear white shoes without significant presence of other colors, like black and yellow). Plus I’m all about mixing grey into my funky color combos, and it works with pretty much every neutral shade you can throw at it. Black? it’s like a snack! Brown? let’s go to town! Taupe? it sure can cope! Uh, Navy? you know it, baby! So: yes. Grey is A-OK.

The Rehash:

Brand: Marsell
Style name: ???
Season/year: who knows. they’re ‘current’ again at yoox, but they’re at least a couple years old.
Availability: yoox, luisaviaroma, ebay
Fit: tts, avg. width
Overall pros: excellent personality & styling, good heel height, made immaculately
Overall cons: super expensive, hard to find, no real padding
My score, 1 (low) to 10 (high): solid 8.

That, in essence, is what I want to provide for random google searchers who really wanna know, if they can, how a certain style of shoe fits and whether or not you can find it online anywhere. It’s limited of course by my terribly fickle tastes and also my extraordinary cheap tendencies, however much it might be enabled because of my amazing sense of style coupled with galavanting around on my Word Pony. Minor caveats, particularly if you’re like a representative of net-a-porter or zappos couture or something, is that I will totally write up a review of whatever you want if you send me a pair. Hell, if you just lend me some Barbara Buis or Max Kibardins I’ll even cater to stupidly arbitrary word counts and find rhyming schemes that work with specific words, up to and including “interuterine.” (Which I mention only because of that time Rose and Dorothy wrote a song about Miami.)

Till next time, y’all! Wear shoes that’d make me proud.